


This Is Incredibly Awkward

by AnabielVriskaMars



Series: DaveJade Prompts [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, non-sburb AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-30
Updated: 2015-08-11
Packaged: 2018-04-12 03:15:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4463354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnabielVriskaMars/pseuds/AnabielVriskaMars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She's paralyzed.</p><p>Frankly, so are you.</p><p>You did not expect your first meeting with Jade to be at a strip club with dollar bills hanging off her underwear.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Kinda Wanna Pretend I Didn't See You

**Author's Note:**

> I got this prompt on tumblr from an anonymous user and I kind of played with it in my head so this is what came out.

You're gonna fuckin kill 'im.

No joke. You're gonna straight up murder Bro. You will dissect him like that awkward frog from highschool that was just doing itself when this pimple-ridden, braces-wearing kid from the biology lab caught it and drugged it in formaldehyde so that a bunch of creepy and morbid preteens thirsty for entrails could watch an underpaid teacher open it up just to see its heart beating and have a couple of faints in the room, mostly from that asshole boy that kept commenting how  _girls_ are  _weak_ for this shit and how only  _real men_ could handle it.

You're raking your brain trying to figure out the level of irony in which his twisted, smuppet-fucked-up brain has decided to sit and rot while staring blankly at everything logical waving by in a bus filled with fat and ugly tourists on their way to see the volcano. 

What is he  _thinking_?

Normal brothers take their lil' bro on a strip club party when they turn 18.

But Bro  _isn't_ normal folk, so what's his endgame? _  
_

The only reason he ever does something seemingly normal is when there's something fucked up behind it.

Like he couldn't create a chatroom, or a porn site. Those things are normal. He just  _had_ to take it a step further and create a chatroom of pornographically oriented childish puppets and somehow manage to make millions out of them.

You swear, when you grow up you're gonna make films out of your fucked up childhood.

So that's why you're so sure that coming to a stripclub on your birthday is just an elaborate hoax designed to make Bro snicker internally -he'd never truly laugh though, cause he never has, and to start now would be unsettling-- at you. 

Maybe he's just enjoying your confusion. He jut loves watching you seethe and twirl and try to find his angle.

He's fucked up man, he really is.

So you decide to keep your chill. You're not gonna let Bro see you debased.

Anyways, back to the thing.

You're sitting in a a table, awkwardly hanging next to your perpetually silent brother, who just stares blankly at nothing in particular, though you're pretty sure its not the prancing, half naked girls on the poles. You  _know_ what he's expecting, its just so fucking  _awkward_ you can't really bring yourself to say it, even though at this point you're willing to take the bullet if it means getting out of this hellhole soon.

You just need to find something that does not give you chlamydia to just  _look_ at--

oh look.

That looks promising.

You can barely see because you haven't taken off your shades. You suppose these kinds of clubs are purposely dark, maybe to keep the mystery, or maybe just so that old creepy guys ogling at the poor girls won't feel so conscious about somebody judging them in a regular light, though frankly, they deserve it.

Anyways, Bro hasn't taken off his shades, and that's sort of a silent command that you shouldn't either.

You see her from afar.

You can't see well, but she's wearing a red piece over olive skin. You know it should look strange but oddly... its enticing.

She hasn't been dancing on the poles. At least not that you've seen. Which probably means that at the moment she's pretty hygienic. Or you know, at least as hygienic as someone can be in a dump like this. Its dark, but she seems to have a real pretty face. She's got dark hair that seems to be half up and half hanging over her shoulder, and you can't help but think that she looks... nice.

Unfortunately, Bro catches you staring.

"The one in red yeah?" he asks. You say nothing. "Yeah, okay, I got you covered."

"Don't you dare." The words sort of jump from your mouth. 

"Just take it, bro."

You wanna hide your face, but you can't, and before you know it, he's called the girl to the side and you think you see him slip her a hundred. You're so fucked up you just slip your hand under your shades and cover your eyes.

Bro claps you in the shoulder. 

"Room number 2. Private dance." he says. "Happy birthday lil bro."

Mortified, you decide to get this over with.

* * *

There's a bottle of vodka in the room. You take a swig.

By swig you mean you sort of choke half the bottle.

You put it down and sit on the oversized couch, but just on the edge. It feels unhygienic.

There's a little shuffle of fabric and the girl comes in. Your face is still hidden under your hand when she starts talking.

"Hey," she says, and you freeze. "I'm Jasmine. I hear its your birthday..."

Horrified, you look up to find the greenest green to ever green.

Its so green the evergreen trees get set on fire and become charcoal. Its so green you can only associate it with one specific font color that you know only too well.

"You cannot be serious." You choke. You don't see well, but you  _know_ that the smile is melted off and suddenly the green is a lot more intense, as if she's opened her eyes. You do something you've never done in front of anyone.

You take off your shades.

You think the red in your eyes tips her off.

Just as quickly as you take your shades off, she puts a pair of specs on (you don't really wanna ask where she kept them).

" _Dave!?"_ she's mortified.

 _You're_ mortified. 

This is so fucked up.

She's paralyzed. You're speechless. You stare at each other('s face, you're not going to stare at her body, even though it looks  _good_ \-- no, bad Strider, don't objectify your friend) for a full minute before either one of you can speak, and unfortunately, when you manage it, you both do it at the same time.

"What the fuck are you doing here?!" "What the hell are you doing here?!"

You turn around. You put your shades back on.

This is too weird.

"Take my jacket." You say and rip it off your shoulders.

"What?"

"Just take my jacket. I'm having a hard time focusing with you dressed like that." You feel her tug at your jacket and give her a couple of seconds before you turn around. She sits in the couch --that doesn't seem so big now--  with the jacket folded around her and her hands clasped in her lap. She's blushing.

"Jade, what the fuck."

She presses her lips and doesn't say anything. You decide to start at the beginning.

"What are you doing in Texas?"

She presser her lips, which you've just now noticed are painted scarlet. And she's got a lot of make-up on. And her hair is done.

 _Suits her_.

"Texas A&M." She shrugs. "I've got a scholarship, but unfortunately, I still need to eat, have a place to live, and buy books."

You sit next to her. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because I'm a big girl, Dave, I can take care of myself."

"By working at a  _strip club_?"

She frowns. "Excuse me?"

You're smarter than this, Harley. How the fuck did you end up working in a place like this? Its degrading?"

She huffs. She looks...   _offended_?

"Degrading to whom?" she asks rather haughtily. "Because I feel perfectly at ease with this."

"You were  _horrified_ to see me."

"You were horrified to see  _me,_ Dave. Its an awkward situation." She seems a little angry. "But I am  _not_ embarrassed."

"What? Jade, you're s  _stripper_."

"I work, Dave." Now she's pissed. "I work  _hard_. I make ends meet." She crosses her arms over her chest. "Its unconventional. So what? It works for me."

You can't believe you're having this conversation. "You take off your clothes and dance for tips from creeps."

You see the fire behind her eyes. "You're here too, Dave. Does  _that_ make you one of the creeps I dance for?"

You feel your cheeks burning. "That's not what this is about."

"Then what's it about, Dave? Cause I'm not embarrassed. I had an obstacle and I'm getting past it. The schedule works for me and the pay is good. If you don't like it then..." this seems a little harder for her to say. "Then fuck off."

You stand up and walk a little around the room. You cannot believe that this is how the conversation is going. 

"You can stay with me." You offer. Her arms are still crossed.

"I don't need to." She presses her lips. "I am perfectly able to live by myself."

You need to think. Fast.

"Well I'm not." You blurt. Wait what? "I'm moving out of Bro's apartment. I need a roommate."

_Wait, what?!_

She takes her hands up, and for a moment you think she's gonna rub her eyes, but she thinks better of it.

"I've gotta get back to work."

"You got paid for an hour. I still got a good half hour still."

She presses her lips. "Not if you're going to keep criticizing me."

You sigh and run your fingers through your hair. You sit back down.

"You're right. I'm sorry." You say. "All this... it was just a little much, alright?"

You're surprised to find yourself being... pretty honest. 

"I'm happy that you're here, alright?" you say. "I just didn't think I'd run into you like this."

She smiles a little and seems to relax. "Yeah, me neither."

"Seriously though, think about it. I think it would be pretty baller for us to live together. We can get a place close-by. College is near, and so is your work. I was kind of looking forward not to have a two-hour drive every day to get to school."

She laughs a little, and then looks at you. "Really?"

"Yeah, Harley, we make a good team." You say. "So long as you respect the AJ all's good."

"That's..." she breathes deep. "That's a great offer. I don't really like the place I'm living in now."

"I'm not doing you a favor, a'right? I expect your help with homework."

She giggles. "Tutor by day, stripper by night?"

You half smile. "We could make a movie out of that."

She seems a little more calm. It just now strikes you that you're genuinely happy to see her.

"You know, I think there's a DJ/bartender opening, in case you're interested."

You almost laugh. "You want me to work here?"

She shrugs, and you see her amusement. It looks pretty good on her. "Paleonthologist by day, DJ by night?"

"Just like Indy."

She laughs. "I'm pretty sure that's not how the movies go." She smiles at you. "Its a weird circumstance, but I'm pretty happy I ran into you."

Unexpectedly, you wrap an arm around her. "Me too."

And you just hang out like the couple of dorks you are.

* * *

Bro doesn't ask you how your night was, nor do you volunteer the answer.

The ride home is pretty silent until you blurt it out.

"I'm moving closer to college." You say. Bro doesn't really flinch.

"Cool. Let me know when you find a place."

He doesn't seem to care much, and you don't expect him to. 

"I'm splitting the rent with a friend." You say, and you're not sure why you keep talking. 

"So long as you graduate I'll pay for a fucking mansion, bro." he says, and you know that deep down, in his own twisted way, Bro cares about you.

This is still the most awkward night you could've ever imagined.

 

 


	2. Ignore the Rats, I guess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is getting better responses than i had anticipated.
> 
> curioussssss

You found a place.

Its small and cold. It has a single living room that's roughly the size of an unusually large -and never seen before- turtle, with a kitchen the size of a regular sized porn collection. Its got two rooms on either side of a bathroom that looks as if it was last repaired in WWII.

Okay, basically its not a big place, but its quite alright. 

The location is not  _entirely_  safe, but its walking distance from the strip-club, which you supposed should've told you everything you needed to know about the quality of the neighborhood. You probably won't get stabbed to death while walking your dog, but you might not want to leave your cat alone lest somebody has... strange ideas.

Its nothing like the place you had with Bro, frankly, and that kind of makes you take an immediate liking to this god-forsaken hell-hole. Back there you went through the door every day with the fear something was going to fly towards your head, and many times it was a fucking sword. You had to watch your back from that creepy ass puppet that your brother seems so fond of, and you had to deal with Bro's less fatal but equally annoying habits.

Like keeping pornographic puppets everywhere.

You should't complain much, though, these dumb puppets are kind of paying for your new place.

"This is  _awesome!"_ you hear Jade's voice from behind you and turn. Thankfully, this time she's wearing regular clothes. You don't think your heart could've taken it if she'd been wearing something like that little number she had on the other day at... work.

Jade hops in, truly excited. She eyes the kitchen, measures roughly the living room and opens the door to one bedroom and goes through the bathroom to the other one, before emerging from the second room with a huge grin.

"I call dibs on this one! I like the window!" She smiles, though you're pretty sure both rooms are  _exactly_ the same. 

"Cool. Then I'll keep the room where that man didn't go crazy and murdered his entire family."

Jade rolls her eyes. "Yes, Dave, a two-bedroom, one-bathroom apartment in the middle of the drunkest district in town is exactly where a man settled down with his family. In these college-oriented dorms." She grins. You shrug.

"I couldn't _no_ t try."

She giggles. "You're a dork."

She's got a nice smile. You can't help but notice it. Immediately you look away.

"We can put a TV there. I'll hook up my PS4." You point at the wall. "We'll have netflix and videogames for our time away from those wild nights," you say sarcastically.

_She's a stripper. All her nights are wild._

The thought leaves a bad taste in your mouth. You want to change the subject, but she beats you to it.

"We can get bean bags! I've always wanted one!" She grins and points at a spot in the living room. "Couches are expensive. If we have a few pillows and one or two bean bags we should be good to go."

You raise an eyebrow at her. "Damn, Harley, I didn't know bunking with you would be the equivalent of living with a frat boy. We can exchange porn n' all."

_What if she went into porn-acting? It shouldn't be far from being a stripper._

You wanna kick yourself in the dick.  _Get your head out of there, dickfuck._

Jade doesn't seemed bothered by the comment though. She keeps looking at the house excitedly. She directs her glance at you and it sort of freezes you for a moment.

The thing about Jade, which you have never bothered admitting to anyone, is that when you were 13 you had the most  _massive_ , prepubescent, dorked-off, dick-wrenching, mouth-slobbering, like-girls-for-legolas-and-women-for-Aragorn-crush on her.

Until you were roughly about sixteen there wasn't a girl in your entire periphery that came close to being what Jade was to you.

Granted, you hadn't met, so your entire crush sort of stemmed from the continuous conversations you kept having through the computer, and the scarce videochats you guys managed.

It was simple, innocent and impossible, and that was quite alright with you.

After you turned 16 you sort of came into your first girlfriend and since then you've been a shades-wearing version of Don Juan, but without Byron's overcompensational bullshit. Okay forget Don Juan. You've just been a regular guy on a regular amount of dates.

But now, actually  _meeting_ her in the flesh is sort of 13-year-old-Dave's dream come true. Damn, meeting her and  _living with her_.

Jegus fuck she's a stripper. You swear it couldn't have been more an on-point fantasy if you'd written it yourself.

But now its all different.

Now you're an 18-year old man, and she's an 18-year old woman, you both have jobs (your is being unemployed, thank you very much) and you're going to college together. You've got responsibilities, and that old crush is past history.

Cause you know, what kind of a cheap plot point would it be for you to live with your childhood crush?

None that  _you'd_ want to read, that's for sure.

Jade looks at everything, still kind of excited. She looks at you, green eyes shimmering.

"I can't believe this is actually happening." She grins, and you see her a little embarrassed, but it doesn't stop her. "I haven't lived with anyone since Grandpa... I was getting really lonely. It was always just me and Beq--" she opens her eyes wide and looks at you. You remain calm.

"Yes, this building allows for your mutt." You reply, but you keep to yourself that it doesn't really allow pets, you just slipped an extra-hundred in the lease so that you'll be allowed. 

 _"Insurance policy" the landlord called it_.

She grins happily. "I just..." her grin melts into a genuine smile. "I'm just really happy to be here. Its nice not to feel so lonely."

"Same." You say, and don't really know where that came from, but it seems to have friends. "I think I'm gonna like not having to watch my back all the time, or avoid tripping on puppet-dong."

"I... don't think I want to know what that means."

"What? You've never heard of sparkling mannequin wiener? Oh the things you have missed in your seclusion from society. Let me tell you, the Strider home boasted only the highest dong-quality in its furry residents. Top of the line neon-dicks. Coloured schlongs. A variety of penises. Fabric wood."

"Please stop talking."

"Then you'll miss the amount of synonyms I know for the word dick."

"I'll live with the disappointment." She gives the place one last once-over, and you see the genuine satisfaction in her face. "We're really doing this."

You shrug. "The lease is signed. If you decide to run off right now you'd leave me in one  _hell_  of a shit-creek."

She smiles and looks at you. You remember the night at the club, and the only thought in your head is how you like her better when she's wearing her glasses. "Don't give me any ideas, fuckface."

"Your vernacular insults me, Harley. I'm afraid that on this household we only use words from the Webster's English dictionary."

"You're so full of it, Dave." She laughs, and the atmosphere is light and sweet, and for a moment you can't help thinking that you're off to a great start, and that this might not have been as bad an idea as you feared.

"Dave?"

"Yes?"

"You realize none of us have beds right?"

Ah.

* * *

 

"Budget." You repeat.

"Yep."

"You want us to make a budget."

"Its the only logical thing." She shrugs. "I don't understand how this seems surprising to you."

You frown. "I don't think that was ever an issue for us." You say truthfully. "Like yeah, sometimes I'd have to choose between eating and a videogame. It just never seemed like something so continuous."

Jade scoffs. "Oh please, so you had to wait a couple of weeks to play."

"No, I chose the games. I'd go a couple of days without eating." You shrug. "Or eating cheap ramen."

Jade frowns and looks at you a little alarmed. "You're kidding."

You just stare at her impassively. "This wonderful collection of games didn't assemble itself without sacrifice."

"Dave,  _please_ tell me you're kidding." She says, and when you don't reply she looks downright bewildered. "And your brother  _allowed_ this?"

"Well, he just left X amount of money every week in the counter for me, and it was up to me what I did with it." You explain. "As long as I didn't show up at the hospital, he was happy."

She opens her mouth and you can almost  _see_ the rants and worries and rage and the word  _appalling_  coming out of her mouth, but she closes it. In the set of her eyes you can read the "I'm not even gonna go there." _  
_

"Well, we're doing the same thing. We have X amount of money and we need to make it last." She gives you a sideways glance. "We don't break it. Not even for videogames."

"Swords?"

"No."

"A new gun?"

She considers it for a second.

"Trick question, Harley, no guns." You say. "If I'm going to hell, you're sitting your ass down right next to me."

She laughs a little and shakes her head. Its a cute gesture to which you're totally paying no heed.

"Basically, we have the first 4 months of rent covered up front thanks to your brother --and I  _swear_ if I find out you had something to do with it you're going to regret it-- so we've got a bit of wiggling room. I have a base salary and the rest comes in tips, which are generally not much. This month we need to take into consideration special expenses, like the beds we need to buy and cleaning supplies, along with household basics. If we have enough left, we can get the TV you wanted."

"Are the beds really necessary?"

She glares at you. "I'm not sleeping on the floor again, Dave, my back still hurts."

"You spurn our ancestors."

"Our ancestors could've used a bunch of feathers to sleep. Its not my fault they never thought about it." She looks at the little list she's made in front of her. The numbers are... kind of intimidating. "...As long as we survive this month we should be okay, I think. After that, the liquidation for my other apartment will be valid so I won't have to pay for it anymore, and when we have the beds its another thing out of our system, so all that would be left would be the actual supermarket. If we make a small rainy day saving jar we should be perfectly fine."

"What's a rainy day jar?"

"Well, if for some reason for a month we don't have an income we're covered." She explains, and a single thought pops into your head and out of your mouth before your thought-police can catch it.

"Like if you decide to quit."

The glare you earn is exactly the one you thought she'd give you.

"Does it bother you that much?" She huffs, exasperated. 

You try not to look guilty. "What?"

"Me. Stripping."

You try to look nonchalant. With your pen you begin doodling on the page. "Why should it?"

"Exactly." she emphasizes. "So why are you so obsessed with it?" she demands.

"I'm not obsessed."

"I've seen the way you look at me." 

She's got you cornered. You're starting to feel anxious. You don't know why you feel this way.

"Christ Dave, its not like you've never seen a girl naked before! And I wasn't even naked."

"I know that, Harley." You growl. "Its just... It was weird, alright? You said it yourself, it was an awkward situation."

"Yes, but it seems that you  _never_ wanna get past it!" She exclaims and sits back, somewhat frustrated, but patient. "You wanna know what I think? I think you've preconceived an idea of me and that it bothers you that this doesn't fit."

"That's ridiculous."

It totally isn't.

"Tell me, have you ever had problems with  _any_  other stripper before?"

"None of them was my friend, Jade."

"Exactly. It _bothers_ you that now that prancing thing in front of you now has a face and a history and you can't dehumanize her. It bothers you that you look at me and then you look at any other stripper and you can't help but think that she's some  _other_ person's friend."

"This doesn't make any sense." You mumble.

Yeah, it does.

"See, the thing is that regardless of being anyone's friends, all the girls there do the same as me, Dave. They work hard. They have different situations. Difficult backgrounds.It just bothers you that now you've put a name to all of that."

You stand up, irritated. "Well if that  _was_ the case, how come it wouldn't bother me if you were anything else? Like a fucking barista? Why wouldn¡t you ignite a personal discovery then, huh?"

"Because you've never thought of baristas as less than human." She delivers this line so perfectly it kind of shakes you to the core.

"That's not..." You can't finish that thought. "I'm..." You press your lips and look away. Jade isn't angry. She sits back on her chair.

"You're not the first person to react like this, you know." She says simply. She seems understanding... almost condescending. "Its not the first time I've gotten weird looks for what I do. Its just... easy."

You take a few seconds in silence. The conversation seems to be a thing that keeps happening, so you decide to bite the bullet for once.

"How... how did you even get into it?" You ask, and before you know it, you've retaken your seat. The air is less crisp than before.

"Surprisingly I don't have many marketable skills, Dave," she explains. "I hunt. I forget things. I have a huge dog."

"You're a nuclear scientist and a botanist."

"With no degree. Also an 18 year old girl." She sort of shrugs, but you can  _feel_ the distaste. "Nobody takes me seriously."

"That's retarded."

"That's USA." She says simply. She has the look of a person who has attacked a topic from every angle. "I didn't really have anywhere to fall, anyways. Grandpa left me just a little bit of money. Most of my assets are, well... the island. And I can't really sell it... It doesn't feel right. So I just had little savings. Since we didn't really need currency back home, it was useless, but I'm glad he kept it for a rainy day."

"Didn't he have a bank account?"

Jade shakes her head. "I think he left it all to John's family... Remember that his dad had to go to college at some point." She explains, but there's not really any remorse in her. "He probably didn't think I'd need it. Or he figured he'd be around to help me. Or maybe that Nanna would."

Jade sighs. "Its just a bit of bad luck, I guess."

"That... sucks." Is all you can manage. "I thought  _I_ had it rough."

Jade gives you a sideways glare. "You spent days without eating and your brother periodically attacked you with a sword. I'd say you had it pretty rough." She sighs. "Anyways, After a week without finding a job I went everywhere with a "For Hire" label, and eventually stumbled across the strip club. Nudity was never a problem, and I'm fit enough for the poles."

You sort of process it all. It gives Jade a new light to shine in.

 _Cause_ _of_ course _she needed another light to shine in._

You think for a few seconds.

"Okay, you said there was a bartender opening, right? With DJing?" You ask. Jade looks at you, a bit confused. 

"Yeah... Wait, are you really considering it? I thought you said the place was... "uncouth."" She airquotes you.

"I did, but if you can grow up, then so should I, right? I'm not riding in Bro's coattails." You explain, no idea where this confidence surge came from. "Besides, we  _do_ need to make rent and food every month. Unfortunately I haven't learned how to live without feeding. Besides, there's games I want, and that TV ain't buying itself."

Jade smiles and you both begin talking about boring things like finances and things you've never really cared about, but for some reason, in her voice they don't sound so boring. You listen attentively, and together you come up with a couple of plans. To both your surprises, you actually give some pretty good insight.

You're talking for a while about nothing in particular and catch her staring at you with a tiny smile.

"What?"

She laughs a little. "Nothing."

"Come on, Jade, you were looking at me like a smitten anime girl. Out with it."

"I was just thinking that this is pretty good.  _We're_ pretty good. I think we're gonna land on our feet." _  
_

You give her a smirk. "We're a distrophic cat with split personality falling from the tenth floor. Nobody knows how, but we'll probably be alright."

She smiles. You like it when she does that.

"Okay, we have two weeks before classes start, so we should have everything ready for then..." she lingers on the last word and just looks at you curiously. "Can I ask you something?"

"Little late for that, but sure, shoot."

"What do you want to study? I always figured you'd be... I don't know... a musician?"

You clear your throat, a little embarrassed. She raises her eyebrow.

"I was thinking of paleontology." You say, keeping a straight face. 

Unexpectedly, she doesn't give you a weird look. Instead she looks excited.

"For real? That's awesome!"

You actively have to kill a smile. "Hold your horses though, nothing's sure. I could always end up being a prostitute."

Jade laughs. "I'd pay a pretty coin for you."

You look at her and consider pursuing the joke, but instead let it be.

"Now Jade, all jokes aside, there's something important I need to ask you." You say. You see how the smile evaporates from her lips and a little concern takes its place. "Its our first official night as roommates. What kind of pizza are we ordering?"

The smile returns to her lips and you laugh and joke and eat pizza.

It isn't until about three in the morning when you're looking at the roof of your bedroom from your makeshift bed of blankets on the floor that it hits you how she managed to make you grow 18 years in just an hour.

 

 


	3. Never Get Caught On Tape

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've gotten the best messages. 
> 
> y'all make me happy.
> 
> here's a nice little present for you

Bartending comes naturally to you.

There's a natural dexterity to your hands, and for some reason you have no problem learning the ropes. You've studied the right mixes and by the end of the first week you can pretty much prepare anything in the book. You  _doi_ look like someone with a stick up their ass, but it doesn't really matter, since only straight guys and gay girls come here. And the strippers don't quite catch your eye.

Jade's done for the night and she sits at the bar, as usual, waiting for your shift to be over. She's entirely dressed and she's got her bag with a change of clothes and her tips of the day. She's still wearing make-up.

Its weird, but you avoid looking at the stage. In general.

Ever since Harley opened up your eyes to your blatant assholery you've changed your ways. You talk to the girls regularly, and it took you like a week, but you were able to put names to the faces and sort of be friendly with them. Basically you were able to divorce who they are and what they do, and while its not exactly what Jade had in mind, you feel its milestones ahead from where you started, and you're happy with it.

You've been living together for almost two months, and started working here a little after that.

At home y'all got beds, a TV and incredibly enough, a couch.

You're a pretty decent cook and Jade's a queen of making leftovers last.

You guys have a bit of a mess but nothing that will kill you. 

Basically, everything is pretty good.

Except, you know, when your hot roommate forgets she's hot and she walks around in a towel. Or worse. In work attire.

"Hey Daaaaave!" she calls from the side. There aren't many people at the bar so you go to her. 

"What's up Harley?"

"I'm bored." She smiles that adorable toothy grin.

How can anybody be hot as the underside of a morbidly obese woman's boob in the desert and cute as a six-week old puppy is beyond you, but she manages it.

"You're at a strip club. Literally the least boring place in the world." You say and grab a glass to start preparing a martini for the guy who's had six and looks like he just got dumped, cause he really looks like he needs another one.

"Are you kidding me? This place is dark. And cold. And boooooring." 

The guy comes to the bar, looks at Jade only sideways, and asks you for a martini, which you've already prepared and look like a psychic boss to the guy. He looks drunk and depressed, but still leaves you a tip. Without saying a word, he turns around and sit back on his table.

"Well  _he_ looks like he's having fun." You say.

"See? The strip club _can_ be boring."

"You literally  _work_ here."

"Yeah but I'm off duty and have nothing to do." She complains.

"Christ, Harl, I'll be out in half an hour. Do you want a drink while you wait?"

She swings her feet off her chair. "Okay, but make it sweet. I don't really love alcohol."

"Oh man, is this gonna be like one of those stories where you're  _so_ intolerant to alcohol that with a single sip you're gonna be awkwardly and embarrassingly slobbering all over me? Cause let me tell you, I'd be down for that."

Jade rolls her eyes more than you thought was possible. You prepare her the frilliest, sweetest, pinkest drink you can possibly conceive with the lease amount of alcohol you can drink in it. You slide it to her and she sips it.

"This is juice." She says blankly.

You raise an eyebrow. "I thought you wanted something mild."

"Mild. Not dead." She holds up her drink. "Hammer me up, Strider."

So you pour some vodka in her drink, and this time it seems to satisfy her.

"Heyyyy," you and Jade both turn to see a blushing, clearly hammered dick-with-legs staring down at her as if she's a T-bone steak and he's Tom and you're Jerry. The bottle you're holding suddenly seems in  _terrible_ danger of being broken over his head.

Jade knows how to keep her poker face. You suppose after months of working at this she knows how not to piss patrons off.

"You.. you're a cute one." He smiles. The only word you can come up with to describe this guy is  _slimy_.

Jade just nods awkwardly and you can see her clearly want to turn towards you again and ignore this guy. But obviously this douche has other plans. He leans his hand on the bar and you  _swear_ your fingers are itching to break every bone in it. He looks down at Jade. Sultrily. 

"I saw you earlier up there." He smiles --no, that's not a smile. That's a fucking snigger. "Tell me, how much."

"Excuse me?" You can tell by her tone of voice that she's not so much  _confused_ as she's giving this guy a second to retract himself before he's  _dearly_ hurt.

"For the night." He clearly doesn't get it. You step in.

"She's not a prostitute. Now beat it, you ill-performed abortion." You say. You see Jade's brows raise at that insult, but she says nothing. This drunk asshole wearing striped pants and... _purple hair...?_ stares at you.

"What did you call me?"

"You know what I called you. You're disturbing her. She's off duty and she's not a prostitute. Now get the  _hell_ out of here before I call security."

He sneers. "Do you have  _any_  idea of who I am?"

You shrug. You swear this asshole comes from deeper in the sewers than the ninja turtles.

"I don't care, but I have a slight feeling you're about to announce yourself, even though I really, truly, and from the bottom of my heart care more about the worm-shit incrusted in the mud under the shoes of a hobo than I do about you, your name, or your entire existence in general."

"My  _name_ is Eridan Ampora." He sneers and looks at you as if the name should mean  _something_  to you. You continue to stare blankly.

"Oh wow, okay, I'm terribly sorry." You say, keeping the blankest expression possible. "I had  _no idea_ you were the most hated child any parent could ever had the misfortune to gestate and procreate."

"I'll have you know that my  _father_ is the councilman for--"

Now you smirk.

You got him.

"Ah yes, well, if  _that's_ the case, all's solved I guess." You say and shrug. Jade looks at you, a bit bewildered. "So how about you leave my friend alone? I'm sure there's a circus nearby interested in the ill-conceived child of horse's spit and an inverted frog."

The guy looks like he's about to blow a fuse. He opens his mouth, probably to throw a hissy fit, but you raise your finger and stop him. With the same finger you point right behind you.

"Yeah see, you're not the first dickfinger to come over here and scream his microscopic balls off, which is why we have a camera installed here." You say smoothly. "So, judging by your daddy being Richnuts McRepublifuck, I'm pretty sure it would be quite the problem for your incredibly ugly and  _massively_ recognizable face to be plastered all over the news."

You see the colour drain from his face faster than the fat out of a rich woman during liposuction.

"I'll sue you," he whispers, but you can see the loss in his eyes and you kind of revel in it.

"I mean, yea, sure." You say. "But the damage  _would_ be done. Also, you don't know my name." You shrug.

"Listen man--" Ah yes, the classic turn of tone. He's shitting his pants. You can almost smell it over the spilled alcohol and fantasy body-wash mixed with sweat. "Just.. let's talk about this, alright?"

"Sure thing, fuckface." You say, chill as fuck. "You turn around and get the fuck out of here and never come back, and the video never sees the light of day."

He looks uneasy. "I'll... I'll buy it from you."

"Nah, man, its insurance. How else would I keep you from coming back for me with a bunch of sharks?" You ask. "Nah, its staying right where it is. I don't want your money. I just want your disturbingly fish-themed existence as far from me as it is possible for you. Preferably China. You could dig a hole."

He looks pale, and like he's about to fight you more, but in the end he mumbles something and leaves.

Jade turns to look at you.

"I could've handled that." She says, rather irritably.

"Correction, you could've broken that dick's dick. You could've taken down  _everyone_ on this place. Including me." You say. "That would've gotten us fired, cause ain't no way I'm working here without you."

She presses her lips. She knows you've got a point. "Why didn't you get any money out of him then? You're not exactly... altruistic."

You smirk. "Well, first of all, as I said to him, I would've given up my leverage." You explain. "Second of all, I was bullshitting the entire time. I don't have a video so there was nothing to give him. If he knew  _that_ , then we'd've gotten fired."

Jade stares at you for like a full minute. A Hippopotamus snores in the time before she actually says something.

"That's brilliant."

You shrug. "It's been known to happen. Now lets go home. My shift is over."

 

* * *

"Jade,  _get out."_ You yell, banging on the door.

"Stop screaming! You're gonna wake up the entire building!"

"I'll stop screaming when you get your filthy ass out of there!"

She scoffs, offended. "I am  _not_ filthy!"

"You've been in the shower for  _forty minutes_ , Harley. Get out or I will  _drag you_ out." _  
_

You hear shuffling on the other side of the door, and when she opens it, she's wearing a towel around her body and another one around her head.

You've had practice with being affronted unexpectedly with her body, so you manage to keep your eyes on her face. Which is funny cause her glasses are all fogged up. There's steam coming out of the bathroom.

You're weak. You steal a glance.

"Damn, were you trying to resuscitate Christ in there?" You ask. She doesn't seem to have noticed your diverted eyes, but you suppose its because of the shades. You steal another glance and immediately chastise yourself. 

_Pull yourself together, dude._

"I'm sorry, do you have  _any_  idea of how much gel and make-up I have to wear? It takes forever to get off!"

You roll your eyes.

"Jade, you igneous piece of tardiness."

"Did you just call me a rock?"

You raise your hand to stop her, keeping stride. "Doesn't matter. Just let me get the magic juices and stripper magic off of me."

"That's sweat and glitter, you dork." She laughs.  _Score_. "Hey, tomorrow we're off school and its only midnight... do you wanna watch a movie?"

You hope your face remains stoic, but inside you're ecstatic.

"Sounds good. Just let me cleanse myself."

She smiles. "Alright. I'll put something on."

* * *

You meet on the couch almost half an hour later. She's wearing an oversized shirt and some shorts-- and  _fuck dammit_ she's not wearing a bra-- and you're in your regular boxers and shirt. You begin flipping through netflix for something to watch. Its about an elephant's shit's time worth of silence before she breaks and talks.

"Thanks for that thing back at the bar." She says quietly. You continue to flip nonchalantly.

"No problem. You know I look out for you."

You see through the corner of your eye how she pulls her legs towards herself and hides her face behind the knees. A little glance tells you that she looks embarrassed.

"I know I could've beaten him up." She says, and you stop playing with the control and look at her. "I know I could've stopped him from bothering me... but when he spoke... I was terrified."

You try to play it off. "That guy was fugly. Of course you were scared."

"That's not it, Dave." She says and takes her face from behind her legs to sound more clear. "I mean, I didn't know how to answer. I'd never been... solicited before."

"That's alright, people don't get mistaken by prostitutes every day."

"You're missing the point." She says irritably. You look at her, a little concerned. Immediately her flame dies down and she's back to embarrassed nervousness. "I mean... I've never been... ' _solicited'_ before..."

What does--

Oh.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"So you've never--"

"I came from an empty island, remember? And when I arrived it wasn't exactly the first thing on my mind."

You're trying to focus but the conversation makes it  _really difficult_.

She clears her throat.

"Can I... ask you... for a favour?" she asks timidly. You try not to sound too eager.

"Of course, what's up?"

"Can you.." she licks her lips nervously and diverts her eyes. "Could you kiss me?"

Freeze.

What.

"What?"

She clears her throat again. "Well, I've never been kissed. And If this happens again I want to be a little more empiric, and you know,  _not freeze_ when somebody makes some kind of offer or comment or whatnot." She rambles. "You don't have to do it. In fact. Forget I said anything. It was ridiculous." She sighs. "Lets find something to watch."

You look at the control in your hand and back to her. You put it between you two.

Ever so gently you take her face in both your hands, like its a bird that you don't wanna hurt. You get close to her --you don't pull her towards you, you go to  _her._

When you kiss her its so gentle it almost hurts.

Your lips barely touch, but its just enough to ignite  _everything_ inside of you. Your skin is the burning rainforest and a sea of lava and a sunstorm. Through your fingers you receive the electric impulses that come from her face and you absorb them as if they were a part of her.

You breathe her breath and you brush her skin and you take her energy and you steal the fire under her skin.

She pushes against you.

Her hands are in your shoulders and they're  _tangled_ in your shirt. Her lips are parted like she's trying to take back the heat you stole. She wants her breath and your breath too. She needs the heat under your skin and the electricity from your fingertips. But you're not going to give them back. You stole them. They're yours.

So you create more fire.

You create fire against her lips and against her skin. You breathe steam into her face and fog her glasses. She breathes life into you and you breathe fire into her. Her fingers are touching the nape of your neck and your hands have moved from her face to her hair and its made of liquid darkness and wet velvet. Your other hand just rests right in between her shoulderblades and you can feel the gentle thumping of her heart under your fingers, beating life steadily into you.

She breaks off.

Before you know it its over. She leans back, away from you. Her hand flies to her face, as if she wanted to hide her lips, but instead she touches them gently with the tips of them. She's panting and her eyes are wide and looking only at her lap.

Your hands receded immediately after she broke off. You're also breathing a little heavy, but less than her. You do not tear your gaze away from her and your heart is hammering against you, both from the excitement of what just happened, and out of sheer terror of her reaction to be.

She looks up at you and licks her lips. Seeing that makes your fingers itch for her skin.

"That..." she sounds debased. You want to kiss her again. "I really liked that."

You give her a tiny smile. "Yeah?"

She looks up at your eyes and smiles fully. "Yeah." She says. "I'm glad you were my first kiss."

"I'm honoured." The words jump from your lips. She shifts from her seat, and you realize that you guys are not going to watch a movie after all. You're disappointed.

She stands and sort of flattens out her shirt. "Thanks again... for... both things." She says awkwardly and tucks her hair behind her ear. "I'm gonna crash... I was more tired than I thought, I think."

You don't move from the couch. "If you need a cold shower just don't take too long," you joke, and she blushes.

"Don't flatter yourself." She says, but you can feel her not being herself. Just like you, she was shaken to the core.

The door to her room closes and you sit back on the couch for a second.

No, this won't work.

You stand up and go to your room, quietly locking the door. 

That kiss definitely got you hot and bothered.

 

 


	4. Say What?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all lovelies for reading all the way to the end <3 you wonderful humans with wonderful comments and reviews <3 made me really happy
> 
> this chapter's pretty long, i hope you guys'll forgive me for that. as i said earlier, this story seemed to write itself, and this is where the last chapter brought me.
> 
> on another note, i promised smut and here it is, i just hope you won't take me to the gallows for it :O i never said i was good at writing that

Thank god you have the night off.

You don't know how much more you can take this.

It was difficult to deal with her being a stripper. Now you're dealing with  _that_ and with the fact that every time you see her, you remember the kiss you guys had, and its...  _difficult_.

Its difficult cause after she stood up and went to her room, you had to open the window and let all the cool air in.

 _First kiss your ass, nobody's_ that _talented the first time around_.

Its been almost a week since that day, and ironically enough, Jade seems more at ease the more tense you get and it doesn't really make sense.

Or well, yes it does, if you consider that she's not--you're just gonna man up and say it-- _aroused_ by you the same way you are by her. Though in complete fairness you've been seeing her in costumes  _designed_ to attract a man's gaze (and wallet) and keep his brain off. 

Also there's the fact that she's as aesthetically attractive as that female cat from Pepe LePeu who always manages to get a white stripe down her back and has that french creeper skunk all over her. You suppose this analogy was  _not_ a good one, mostly because it compares you to the rapist skunk, but its the only thing that came to your mind right now. Mostly becasue you're playing videogames and there was a black cat onscreen.

So what are you gonna do?

Fuck if you know.

The only thing in your mind is ordering a pizza.

So that's what you do.

* * *

You got pissed at the game and turned it off.

The pizza isn't here yet.

You pace around the room very pointedly  _not_ looking at Jade's things.

You throw yourself on the couch. Time to find something to watch.

Wait.

There's a jiggle at the door. What? You didn't leave it unlocked so what the--

"You won't  _believe_ what just happened." Jade throws her bag on the floor as soon as she walks in. Before you can get a word in she's already shedding her coat and--

\-- _oh god she hasn't changed from work_.

"Did you order something? I'm star--"

"Jade, what in an oiled-up Corpus Christi fighting in the mud with Julius Caesar are you doing here so early?"

She blinks a bit at you.

"That's what I'm trying to tell you." She says simply. You stand from the couch, cause being eye level with her breasts is  _not_ helping. "We're out of a job. Both of us."

She doesn't sound bothered, you notice. She sounds like she's got the most unbelievable story in her head. Like she's gonna tell you that a couple of bears in a tutu replaced you respectively and now you're being evacuated  from your jobs.

Though if there's a bear in a tutu preparing drinks they can sign you the  _fuck up_ because you are  _down_ to watch that shit.

"Can you elaborate?" You ask, bewildered. She's just zen. So fucking zen. 

Its unsettling.

She blinks slowly. "Uhm. Well," she hangs her coat behind the door, apparently  _oblivious_ to her mostly nakedness. "Apparently, we used to work at a drug den."

..

...

...

This is still the least bewildering thing that has happened since she walked through the door.

"Why are you still dressed like that?" You ask.

"Cops were raiding the place. I didn't wanna change there. I didn't like the way they were looking at me."

"Shouldn't they have kept you for questioning?" Your own reaction is a little strange too, but you suppose your brain can only focus on not losing its shit one way at a time. You think maybe later you'll figure out how you'll deal with the fact that you're both unemployed, and the fact that you're both gonna be questioned by cops.

"They'd been observing the place for a while. Mostly they just asked me for general data. They're gonna come question us soon. Probably tomorrow."

"Do they realize we're both 18?"

"Yes, they said they'd give us  _a talk_ about it, but considering all the shit that went down and the fact that I told them we're ready to be fully cooperative, I think we're just getting off with a warning."

You feel that the problems are bubbles in your head that you can watch and pop. First you looked at her earliness. 

Pop.

Then you looked at the cops.

Pop.

Then you looked at your own illegal activities.

Pop.

"Why are you so calm about all this?" Now the anxiety is clawing up your throat. Its sort of all hitting the roof pretty heavily for you. Like your head is now overflowing and the bubbles are gonna keep coming up and they're gonna keep popping. "Jade, we worked at a drug den. The police is coming to question us. We're out of a job.  _Why_ are you so calm?" Your voice is level but your head is burning down the post office.

She shrugs a little and thinks about it. "It doesn't seem like immediate danger, I guess?"

" _What_  constitutes as immediate danger to you?" The fact that you barely keep yourself in check and that she manages it so easily irritates you more than it should. 

She frowns, and you see her face taking a little offense at your words. "Woa, Dave, calm down. I didn't do anything wrong, okay?"

"No, I just wanna 'nderstand," you're losing your temper. There's a little Dave voice in your head that's telling you to chill your tits, but there's a much louder voice telling you that Jade's being irrational, "how you can  just  _show up_ at our doorstep to tell me that the police is coming and that apparently we're accomplices in a drug bust.  _Tell me,_ for the love of a Guatemalan gardener named Jesùs,  _how_  exactly are you doing this and  _not_ expecting me to be  _ever so slightly_ unsettled?"

She presses her lips together. The set of her eyes tells you she's angry.

Fuck.

This isn't how you wanted this to go.

"Fine, Dave. I'm going to bed. Goodnight." She stomps, leaving her bag by the door, which is wide open and has a pizza delivery guy standing in it.

"Uh, sorry," he says. "I... don't think I was meant to hear that."

You stare blankly at him for a second. 

"You're seem like the luckiest son of a bitch I've ever had the disgrace to meet. Fuck you." You throw a twenty his way, take the pizza and slam the door shut.

Some people just don't understand how good they have it.

* * *

The pizza sits uneaten in the counter. It just doesn't feel right to sit down like a douche and stuff your pie hole while she's in the other room being very very angry and very very right.

Its definitely your fault. There's no two ways around it. 

You're an asshole and you were so bothered by the fact that you couldn't keep your stoic character in front of a crisis that she had no problem handling that it threw you off base and irritated you. It bothered you that the image you've been working so hard to upkeep for years blew with something that didn't even faze her.

And apparently, you also learned introspective.

Great, Strider.

Fuck you, Strider.

You grab the pizza from the counter and knock on her door.

"Jade?"

"Yeah." She's angry. Damn.

"I'm a douche. I brought the Pizza of Apology." You say, and hope the smell is getting to her.

Apparently it is, cause she opens the door. Thankfully this time she threw a jacket on top of herself. She gives you a once over, like she's assessing whether or not you deserve to be forgiven, and after a few seconds she sighs and opens the door completely. 

"Alright." She says, and her expression softens. You've always loved her ability to hold no grudges and bear no resentments. Its one of the things that make her so great.

And yeah, as you walk into her room, you accept that she's pretty great, and that you acknowledge her greatness, and that you admire her. You admire her a lot.

"So," she says as she closes the door behind her. The only light in her room is a reading light, right over a  _humongous_ encyclopaedia of something you're  _sure_ you can't pronounce. She swings the door shut, probably out of habit, you think, "you've brought me offerings to appease my rage." She grins.

You half-smile. She's the only one who can be such a dork and make you smile like that.

"Yes, I am the campesino-Duke from the hills of douchebaggery, son of the Countess of Repressed Rage and the Lord of Misdirected Anger, and I've brought humble offerings to appease the rage of the queen Corsette, ruler of the kingdom of Skimpy Clothes and Hot Girls."

She giggles maniacally and you love the sound. She sits in her unmade bed, and you kick one of the beanbags that she -- _cheater Harley I've been wondering where this was_ \-- borrowed from the living room. You try not to make the porn-film joke that's on the tip of your tongue since you walked in with that pizza.

She's still got traces of her laughter when she's looking at you. In the dim light she looks perfect. "I hate fighting with you." She says quietly.

You half-smile again. You do that a lot to her. "Yeah, I'm a dick... Its what you get when you roll with the Strider."

"That's not true, you're great, Dave."

"I know you must be bedazzled by my amazing impression of a guy with a stable job delivering pizza, and I would hate to break that beautiful image of life sustainability that you seem to have bequeathed upon me, so I'm just  _not_ gonna break it and shelter myself in the lie you have created for yourself and eventually allow it to overtake your life as something that is entirely not my fault, but I  _will_ say that you're wrong, if only to have the capacity to do it."

She laughs so hard that she slides from the border of the bed on the the ground with a hollow thump.

"Ouch! See what you make me do?" She asks between laughs.

"The state boniness of your hips and/or ass is not up to me, though if you want my humble opinion, I give your tush a firm 9/10, and only because I lack the tactil expertise to give it that last, wonderful point, that would give you a perfect score."

She's still laughing. "Oh, so you've been watching?"

"I affirm nothing."

"So you haven't looked at me while I work? Am I supposed to believe that?"

"...I deny nothing."

She cracks up, her back against the side of the bed, and you sort of slide down to the ground with her, a low laugh coming from you.

You guys are comfortably close. The kind of closeness you can only feel with someone you really trust, and only if you put aside absolutely every single one of your impure thoughts about her body in sequins.

She takes off her specs and rubs her eyes, before suddenly stopping and pulling her hands as if she just remembered something. When she uncovers her eyes you see that they look like a raccoon's.

"Fuck. I forgot I was wearing make-up." She drops her hands as if she doesn't care anymore. "Whatever. That's  _one_ thing I won't miss from this job."

You feel that you've gotta pipe in. Like to remind her that you're still here.

"I won't miss being covered in pixie dust."

"Glitter."

"That's not glitter. Its like a fucking fairy just came. Fairy jizz everywhere, Harley, and we're the spunky transporting devices that aid with pixie reproduction. We are the bees of pixie sex."

"Stop saying that!" she laughs, "That's disgusting!" She kind of shoves you but doesn't really, and in the end she's just closer to you, and you hear her exhale her air, and you don't understand how she doesn't feel the electricity that she creates around you.

You need to break the tension that seems only within yourself.

"We need to find new jobs." You say, and the words ring hollow, like instead of a little room with a reading light you're in a huge empty stone castle and every one of your words just bounces off everywhere.

"Yeah," she says, but her voice doesn't sound hollow. "We do."

You stay a few minutes in silence.

"Hey, Dave?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you still think about that kiss?"

The darkness makes it so easy to tell the truth. You suppose this is why people confess in dark booths.

"A lot."

"Me too." She whispers, and you almost miss it. It feels like she's not done talking, so you turn your head a little and more than finding  _her_ , you find her lips.

And its liquid fire all over again.

She's kissing you hard and sweet, and a little clumsy. Her breath's uneven and--

You break off, your hands gripped around her wrists, trembling.

"You're drunk." You accuse.

For a second she looks angry, but then she sort of melts into laughter.

"No," she slurs a little. 

"What did you drink?" You're irritated. 

"Just... vodka."

"How much?"

Now you notice that she didn't slide to the floor intentionally, and that her attitude towards the entire business wasn't her natural reaction. Her speech, her words, her actions-- the entire time she's been drunk.

"Just... a little."

You immediately stand up, careful to help her to her feet. She takes a hold of your shoulders and sort of looks at you with huge, wondering,  _glassy_ eyes. She strains a little and kisses you again. 

This time its easier to rip yourself free.

"Jade." Your voice is firm and you are proud. "I will  _not_  do this while you are drunk. Stay here. Eat pizza. I'm getting you water."

She flops in the bed happily, the way a drunk person always does when you order them to do something. On your way out the room and into the kitchen you can't help but hate yourself for missing all the signs.

You fill a tall McDonald's cup of water (it literally is the only piece of china you posses). You come back to Jade's room and sit right there next to her and hold the cup for her.

"Dave, I'm  _completely_ fine. I just had a couple drinks."

"Okay, I get it, but you still need to drink this water." Your voice is coaxing. This is how you deal with drunk people.

"Why?" She asks, but still takes the cup.

"Because I'm asking you nicely."

She grins. "Yeah, you are." And she starts drinking. With your index you tilt it a little, only to make sure that she's actually drinking it. She has about half before stopping for a breath, and rests her head on your shoulder.

"How in the name of an alien dictatorial monarchy did you get this hammered?"

She drinks a little more water, this time without the need of your prompting. "I was scared."

You frown. "Scared of what?"

"The police showed up, they had guns.. I've never not been in the side of the gun, Dave, and these were way too many, and I just felt... impotent." She frowns, as if the words are difficult to find but easy to express. "I got the feeling of being so exposed... I think this is what people feel when they're naked." She thinks for a few seconds. "Is that weird?" She drinks more water.

"Not at all." You say quietly. She seems a little more at ease. "Do you want some more water?"

She shakes her head and puts the empty cup on the floor. "I'm fine, but thanks. I'll have some more later."

"Okay, so how did you manage to get drunk in front of the police?"

She giggles a little. "I didn't do it _in front_ of the police. I just... grabbed a bottle of vodka on my way out of the bar and put it in my bag." 

You laugh once loudly. Its been hears since you've done that.

"Harley, you criminal." You say affectionately.

"Hehe, I guess I am." She finds a more comfortable spot in your shoulder. "After I had a couple of shots I relaxed a little... and then I didn't stop."

"Wait, you drank that straight up? No mixer?"

She shrugs. "I had it in a water bottle. I needed to make it  _seem_ like water."

You wrap your arm around her and laugh very softly. "You're amazing."

She sighs and relaxes. "So are you."

You stay a few minutes in silence. You feel her yawn.

"There it is, the inevitable chasm of inebriation. Its your turn at the last gravitational pull to the center of the void. Feast your eyes upon the final realm of the living human, but do not stare too deeply for it shall stare back at you--"

"Dave, shut up, I'm sleepy." She slurrs a little and rests more comfortably against you. Before you can move her she's more asleep than awake, and you have a very awkward half an hour in which you try to carry her and get her into bed. When you finally manage it, you leave a fresh bottle of water in her nightstand and remove the encyclopaedia.

You tuck her in and turn the light off before exiting the room. She's still wearing the red outfit she had when you first saw her.

* * *

You're fucking around in the computer at about 10am when you hear it.

"Oh, God."

Ah yes.

The distinct sound of hangover.

"You're alive." You say from the couch. Jade emerges from her room, her hair a mess and her jacket only barely covering her thighs. 

"Why am I so thirsty?" She asks. "Is that water bottle in my nightstand for me?"

"Yeah, knock yourself out. Last night you got home hammered."

She sits down next to you with the bottle of water and looks at you with still-glassy eyes. "What?"

"The drug-bust?"

And suddenly she drops the bottle on the floor. She didn't manage to open it so you don't have to clean that mess, so that's good, you guess.

What's not good is the look in her eyes. It seems like she remembers everything.

She stares at you in horror.

Yep. Everything.

"Oh my god," she says. "I'm  _so_ \--"

"Save it, Jade. No harm done."

"But--"

"Seriously, we've all been there. I got you waffles. They'll make you feel a lot better. Shower and put yourself together. See you in a bit." You close the computer and stand up. Before she can say another word you disappear into your room.

You pace around the room.

What kills you is that she was kissing you and it was  _exactly_ what you wanted, and you thought it was what she wanted too, but she was drunk. Its about high time you accepted that you've been wanting to kiss her and do a lot more than that ever since you kissed her the first time--- no, bullshit, since you guys moved together. You've been wanting everything since you guys saw each other at the club, and had she been anyone else, you would've gone for it. You would've tried to seduce her with any and every trick.

But its Jade. And you didn't want to.

You'd never want to win her over with tricks.

You hear the faucet from the bathroom turn on and simply stare out the window of your room, thinking.

Can you really keep this up? Living with her? Being incapable of coherent thoughts other than the constant nagging that you want to do  _everything_  to her? Is it even fair to her?  Its just--

"Hey," her voice comes from behind you. You turn, and she's standing there at the doorframe. She hasn't changed. "About last night--"

"Jade, you don't have to apologize, we've all been there. Hell, if you gave me a nickel for every time I got hammered, I'd have enough money to go to the bar every week."

"No, that's the thing." She says, and in her eyes you see a little light, like she's figuring something out. "I was drunk."

"Clearly established, your honor."

"You were sober."

"Yes, and thank god I was, or it could've turned messy."

She stares at you and licks her lips. You tense up a little, trying to understand her brain.

"I kissed you because I was drunk." She says slowly. "But you were sober and you kissed me back."

You clear your throat and look to the side. There's  _got_ to be a way out of this. 

"Yeah, but--"

But the words trip back into your mouth like that clumsy kid with a really huge bag in every school trip. The rock that made the kid trip is Jade's face, and before you continue making this retarded analogy, you're going to focus.

She's got her fingers tangled in your hair, and her lips are parted and trembling and scared, waiting for your reaction. This all happens in only the fraction of a moment, because when you feel her lips lodge against yours, immediately your arms wrap around her waist, like they've been waiting forever to be there. You pull her close to you because there's a magnet inside of you that's been waiting all its life to pull as hard as it can to get to her.

She feels you respond and then she's merciless. She buries her face against yours and it feels like her lips are burrowing against yours to find a crevice, so you part them for her and she makes your body feel like something that is no longer solid.

Part of your mind is a thousand miles away, in a galaxy composed of you and her, and stars are born in every inch that you and her touch. The light pulls that she gives to your hair are just the creations of new systems and planets whisking into existence. You are ethereal and belonging to the same space and the same being.

The other part of your mind feels every part of you that touches something else.

It focuses on the heat that surrounds you, that you  _know_ is born from your skin and dies in the air. It knows that warmth is born in the exhales of your nose that disperse into particles that were never part of you. It makes the hand that holds her upper back run to the base of her skull to hold it in place while you bite her lips softly and hear her breathe a moan that twists everything inside of you and awakens things that you had forgotten. 

Its like now that you two are fusing together there's another entity being born. Its something that is no longer Dave Strider, but something more. As if she could ignite something deep inside you while keeping everything the same.

You don't realize until you both trip that you've been directing her towards your bed. You fall on top of her but catch yourself with your arms as not to hurt her, and she looks at you, eyes wide and bruised lips parted with panted breaths.

"Sorry..." You breathe, and you think for a second about getting off of her, but she pulls you close again and trips you so that you're laying down and she's awkwardly trying to fix herself on top of you. Your arm snakes behind her to pull her close and you bury your nose in her neck just to breathe in everything that she is.

You feel a little shiver of pleasure come from her when you bury your nose in her neck, and your teeth immediately sink in playfully, nipping softly at the skin and quickly replaced with your thin, chapped, imperfect lips. You feel her giggle a little and break off.

"What?" You ask, panting. She's flushed and laughing.

"It tickles." She says, and her smile is so perfect it draws a half one out of you too.

"Alright, then," you say and kiss her neck playfully all over, trying only to tickle her more and make her laugh. You want that sound to last forever. You want her laugh to be burned into your ears. She wiggles and you press your body against her, and her giggles are mingled with her sighs and its  _so much better_.

You feel something strange interrupt you, and confusedly let go of her lips. You don't have the time to say anything when she's already shed her jacket and thrown it to the side. She's looking for your lips again, but you hold yourself over her, panting.

"Jade," Her name is a single syllable that's been waiting forever to be ripped free from your heart. "Think about this."

She reaches to one of your hands and intertwines her fingers with yours, and this ignites an ember in your core. She kisses your hand. "I have."

She pulls herself up and you melt into her again. You are drops of honey that fall into her skin and mold to her shape. Everything that is not you is too much. You barely notice when you take off your own shirt. You only know that suddenly you feel more of her. Her fingers trace your ribcage and you feel her smile against your lips.

"You are so freaking skinny," she laughs a little. Her laugh goes into you and you amplify it and give her back her laughter and some of yours.

"Yeah I am." you smile and lower your lips in par with hers that mirror yours. The hand that isn't holding hers follows her hair, all covered in glitter and still wound with small pins that she didn't take off the night before. You caress her hair and come back to her face and touch her so softly you should barely be able to feel it, but the electricity is there.

You pull back from her lips only an inch because you want to see her. Your eyes are trying to take in everything from her face: the smudged make-up, the imperfect teeth, the messy hair, the thick glasses and the green eyes. Everything that makes her Jade. She stares right back at you, and you realize she studies you just as intently.

"What? find something you like?" You joke, less out of the moment and more out of your own nervous reaction to the situation.

She smiles brightly, and its almost enough to take your breath all over again.

"Yeah, everything." She answers simply, and she finds your lips again.

All about this is driving you nuts, and you need  _more_ of Jade, so your fingers suddenly become nimble as fuck and you untie the red corset she'd been wearing. You hear a little gasp when the knot undoes itself and you freeze.

"Was that wrong?" You've never tiptoed so carefully around anyone ever.

She pulls the corset free and throws it to the side, giving you a nervous smile. "No, its just the first time I've had help taking it off."

She rolls you on your back, and everything about having a topless, only panty-wearing hot girl on top of you is exactly what you've always wanted for christmas. She looks at ou with the confidence that only a girl who knows  _exactly_ the effect she has on men can. She smiles a little confused.

"Its weird," she says, "I'm embarrassed and its only us..."

You sit up straight and wrap your bare arms around her torso.

"God, you're beautiful." You only know she blushes because you feel the heat of her cheeks against your forehead while your lips keep trailing kisses up her neck. You roll her back onto the bed and hold yourself over, like a cat waiting to pounce on his prey. "You are so goddamn beautiful." Your breath leaves you with this sentence, as if every beat of your heart has been trying to get these words out.

All talked out, you begin kissing her chest so devotedly that one would think you were praying.

Your lips graze her collarbone and your teeth fly just over her breastbone, and the tip of your tongue only barely caresses her breast--

"Oh god," she breathes.

 _Jackpot_.

You open your mouth and just suck on the side of her breast.

She squirms. 

"Dave," she sighs. You tense up. She feels this and squirms some more. "Dave... Go on..."

And that throws you off the edge.

All your methods go out the window. You use your lips and your tongue and your teeth and you graze everything and lick everything and kiss everything. You go to her stomach and up her breasts and back to the collarbone and her neck and you find her lips again and you're so desperate for them because they give you the only oxygen you can truly breathe.

She tries to roll you over one more time--

\--and your back hits the floor.

"Dave!" This time she gasps your name and not in the fun way. "Oh my god are you okay? I'm so sorry!!"

It knowcked the air out of you, but when it comes back you can't help it.

You crack up.

You begin laughing from the back of your throat, like there has never been anything in this world as worthy of comedy as this precise moment in time. 

"Uh... Dave?" Jade sounds worried. More about your laughter probably.

You sit up again and hug her against your body. "I'm fine, Harley, still in one piece."

She relaxes a little. "It's not funny! I thought--"

But you don't let her tell you what she thought.

You pin her to the ground and you take command, like something inside of you is being born from all the fire that she's been feeding you. A beast that was born from her touch and now wants to claim her kiss. This creature takes command of you and traps her lips with yours and presses your hips against hers with a low, fluid motion --only a taste of what's coming-- and you hear her gasp so deliciously against your ear. _  
_

The beast sits you on your legs and rips off what's left of her underwear quickly, latching your mouth to her throat again. This monster doesn't like her words. It makes her drown them in gasps and moans, and it moves your fingers almost against your will to the opening of her legs and just touches her thighs so softly, and she parts them as if your fingers had asked politely.

With a push, you hear her gasp and just like that the beast is gone, and its just you, and your lips against her throat and your fingers moving slowly and lazily inside of her, waking everything inside her up.

Your other hand becomes self-aware and finds her breast, squeezing gently and nudging lightly. Its as if every part of your body has divorced each other and they all do exactly what they want. One hand moves slightly faster and the other kneads a little harder, and what seemed to be a competition now seems to be the perfect joint-effort that produces the symphony of her moans, as if your hands had always been made to play an instrument as delicate as her.

"D-dave... you're driving me... nuts..."

You go up to her ear and breathe heavily on purpose, biting the shell softly. She groans and turns her head in your direction, as if trying to stop you, but it only makes it easier for you to trace the shape of her ear with your nose. "Yeah?"

As if she realizes that her hands are, in fact, unoccupied, she clumsily uses both, divorced as well as your own, to clumsily find that goddamn button in your jeans.

You're so into what you're doing that you forget you aren't wearing jeans.

In a fit of frustration, she just pushes the waistband down and helps herself with her feet to clumsily get rid of your pants, leaving you finally on equal grounds. You go up to her lips one more time and kiss her with love and tenderness.

"This is gonna feel weird, okay? But tell me if it hurts and I'll stop, alright?"

Instead of answering she kisses you, and you know by the contraction of her muscles that she's bracing herself.

But she doesn't wince when you come in.

Its slow an insidious, like the tide flowing into the sand. You have to actively force yourself not to lose your mind and give into everything you want, but Jade's face as she tries to understand the sensations is funny and adorable and it makes it easier to stay Dave, but you feel the beast growl at the door.

It feels like its been an eternity since you two have been one when Jade moves a little, just tentatively, and with just the smallest wiggle of her tiny little body she rips out a moan of pleasure from you. She gasps and opens her eyes wide at you, and as if your voice could drag her out of her place of discomfort, she meets your eyes and you know its safe to move.

You take a slow,  _slow_ pace, at first.

Its comfortable and sweet and you're together floating neverwhere, a breeze of tranquility is holding you up and its a slow waltz that holds your tune.

But then she braces her heels against the carpet in your room and wraps her arms around your shoulder and pulls you in closer to her and breathes hotly into your ear.

"Come on," she whispers, and that's all you need.

The tide draws back into the ocean and comes back like a freaking tempest. Your movements are fast. Clumsy. You slam into her. Again. Again. Again.

You grunt. She moans.

There are sounds of slapping and smashing and moaning and crying and whispers and breaths and lives and sighs and every symphony of the creation of the world is here and its a part of you and you've never felt like this its never been like this before because you've never loved anyone like this because yes Dave you love her and you know it and you've always known it because its her its her its her

You're getting closer and its hard to think and its hard to breathe and you're panting

panting

panting

and you can't think you're just--

You have left your body. You are no longer floating on the breeze-- you are the breeze. For this eternity you are sleeping in the galaxy full of stars that you see every time she looks at you. You're floating in everything she's ever said or ever done that has ever made you feel something. You live an eternity and you die at that place, only to come back and live all over again as a man when you come back to your body--

You're panting. Your knees are resting against the ground. You're out of breath. Your heart hammers against your chest and your blood runs through every single one of your veins carrying only the sound of her moans to every cell in your body.

You bury your head in her shoulder. She's panting too, almost out of herself. Her hand finds your back and grazes it gently, touching only with the tips of her fingers. The touches that ignited the fire and awoke the beast inside of you are now the cooling and refreshing water that makes you a functional human being, but not yet. Her heart beats steadily against your skin on the opposite side of your chest, and it feels as if every human was ever meant to have two heartbeats.

"Are you okay?" You whisper. Your voice is softer than you ever thought possible, and you know there's only one word for that.

Smitten.

And you're quite okay with that.

She kisses you in the cheek and in the nose and in your chin and in your lips. Her eyes are still closed but she can sense where every part of you is and her sleepy smile makes you love her all over again.

"I'm fine," her voice is hoarse and beautiful.

You roll over and take her with you. You use your arm as a headrest, and with the other you pull her close to you and caress her face as if she were nothing stronger than a butterfly, or a mirage that might disappear.

"Was that okay?" She asks, but you know she's not scared of the answer. You kiss her lips softly.

"It was perfect."

You two lay together, intertwined in each other. You steal kisses with every breaking ray of sunlight. You exchange smiles and silences and peace. You drag your blanket onto the floor and you cover the both of you with it. Jade snuggles closer.

"I could sleep here." She murmurs, and you hear the exhaustion in her voice. Your thumb traces her lips with devotion.

"I thought you hated sleeping on the floor." You joke.

"Unless we find another job soon we might as well start getting used to it. See? I told you a rainy day-jar was a good idea." She smiles, but she's too at peace to make it victorious.

"We'll be fine," you say, and kiss her forehead. "We'll land in our feet."

She smiles.

"Maybe I could try my hand at Hooters," she jokes.

"I will--"

There's a knock on the door. You and she look up from your space in the floor of your bedroom through the open door to the living room all the way to the front door, as if that were something that would help you identify who's there.

"Ms. Harley? Mr. Strider? We have a couple of questions, please come to the door?"

Jade starts laughing. Hard.

You know it shouldn't be, but its hillarious. You laugh too.

This is incredibly awkward.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im not entirely convinced about this chapter. i might write a redo?
> 
> i'm sorry if this isn't satisfactory, its a weird day for me
> 
> please feel free to tell me if there is something you didn't like

**Author's Note:**

> i did not expect it to take that direction.
> 
> oh well.


End file.
